Monday, July 18, 2011

Just throwin' it out there....

This morning I woke up thinking clearer after my "melt down" last night.  I had a few "hmmmm" thoughts and a few "a-ha" thoughts.

1. I wasn't going to post a "before" pic of me on here simply because of how embarassed I am about my body.  But then, this morning I thought to myself that the only people who are going to be following this blog right now are people I sent a link to because I trust them.  These are friends who love me for me, and won't be too harsh to judge.  Also, by posting a pic of me online, it is daily motivation to look at how discusting I look, and knowing that other people will have seen my pic, I feel I owe it to them to change.

2. I am SO picky about men.  Looks DO matter.  And I will be honest and be the first one out there to say I don't to date an overweight guy. So whyyyy would a guy want to date me, an overweight girl?  That's being kind of a hypocrite.  Besides, even if there was some ripped, good looking guy out there who for some reason ever wanted to be with me, I would forever feel uncomfortable being bigger than him and going out knowing people are thinking "Is he really with her?"

3. I am TOO pretty for this body, and TOO young for this body!  This body I have right now doesn't belong to me, it's not mine.  I feel like a girl with pretty hair and a pretty face stuck inside a fat suit.  For the past couple of years I've chalked up my confidence to the fact that I've got a pretty face (yes, I can actually admit that) and an awesome personality. But I deserve to be the whole package, not just some.  I want to be 100% awesome, all over.

4.  My mom pointed out a good reason why I never want to work out, or go walking.  I said it's because I work 8-6 everyday and usually stay a little late after work - therefor not getting home until 6:30-7.  When I come home, I like to have dinner and crash on the couch.  This is after sitting in an office desk all day.  WOW - am I active or WHAT?!
Anyways - my mom asked me how over weight am I.  I told her, since my senior year of high school I have put on 100 lbs.  She pointed out to me that the big tubs of cat sand we get every week are 35 lbs. each.  She told me 2 of those are 70.  If anyone has a cat and has ever bought the BIG container of cat sand, you know how friggin' heavy these bad boys are.  Mom told me to picture hold 2 of those at once.  That's 70 lbs....not even 100.  Physically holding two of those is weight I have gained over the past years, and then some! GROSS.  When it was put into a visual like that, I immediately understood why I have trouble working out.  It's like carrying big containers of cat sand with me everywhere! No wonder I can't move!

Jessica Simpson is still my idol, and one day....yes, one day I will look like this!
Heck, I think Jessica Simpson herself wants to look like this! (again)

Stay tuned for my post tonight, when I will post my "before" pic of my body that I took this morning.  If people didn't know me they might say "awww....she's expecting!".  It seriously looks like a pic an expecting mother takes in the mirror.  Oh boy, can't wait to see some change!

Also tonight - with my blob pic I will post what I ate today.  It was hard because mom packed a lunch for me based on what we already have in the house.  Haven't gone "diet" shopping yet. 

After work I am going to go check out the Weight Watchers center I use to go to - hopefully it is still there!

Later losers! ;)


Kate said...

last night i was like "I can't believe I got my period because it literally looks like im pregnant"... having a child would certainly have been a good explanation for all this extra weight! :P

you're making a great start les... your motivation is contagious and I'm excited to keep reading :) We CAN and WILL get back our sexy, confident, youthful, jessica simpson selves!

Lesley said...

I'd like to think I was pregant too! It would be a wonderful explanation for the tummy weight weighing me downnnnnn. Lol, I will get there. Knowing I have followers/readers is a great way to stay motivated and not fall off track.

I can't wait to get back to 2005 high school senior Lesley!